Top Ten Signs The President Is Trying To Kill You

Top Ten Signs The President Is Trying To Kill You

10. He goes on TV to assure the nation that he's not trying to kill you

9. You get a card from Saddam reading "Glad I'm not you"

8. You turn on CNN and see your house in green night-vision

7. You wake up next to the head of Donna Shalala

6. You overhear him arguing with lawyers over legal definition of the word "strangle"

5. Keeps promising to "introduce you to Vince Foster"

4. He asks U.N. to pass resolution authorizing use of force against you

3. Now under construction in Arlington Cemetary: "The Tomb of The Unknown Guy The President's Going To Kill"

2. "Someone" throws a Big Mac stuffed with a brick through your window

1. Two words: exploding cigars